...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
