Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
