She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
