is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
