I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize