I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
