lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Small penises have feelings too.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize