Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize