my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
