Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
