I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize