I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
