I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
