I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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