I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
