OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
