i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
