That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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