from now on my penis is your penis
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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