You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
