If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't deserve a penis
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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