That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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