Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize