i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
my poor anus
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
