During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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