ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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