The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
