$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
