I cockslap morals
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
