i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
