he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
