First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
