I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
All I want is dick and wine.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
