Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
