how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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