soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
