I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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