apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
