I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
