if you like me you must not know who I am
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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