marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize