hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize