Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
