Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
