can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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