I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
