The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
