Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
