1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
