I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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