Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
