tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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