Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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