you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
porn star boner night. come get it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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