no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
