So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Randomize
