why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize