either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
