the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
