I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
