Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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