i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
