I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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