I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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