I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize