i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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