why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
